Thursday, July 23, 2009

I'm baaaaaaack!!

Missed me didn't ya???? (why do I hear crickets??) Sorry I went so MIA there, but I went through a bit of a bad personal time, and did some deep thinking and such. And I'm feeling much better now, so I figured i would stop neglecting my blog. And seeing as what I've just gone through, I figured i would share my thoughts on a big topic with me lately....the word of the day today ladies and gentlemen is Forgiveness

I looked deep into myself in my off time. I've been holding a lot of anger in my heart towards an ex boyfriend of mine. And I finally realized just how stupid it was. I've had no real dealings with this person for almost 12 years. There will always be some emotional connection there for reasons I choose to keep private. If you know me you know what they are, and if you don't...well you don't need to know really. So I can never forget about this person. But why should i still be mad? What did he ever do that I should still be so pissed about? Answer...nothing.

Our relationship was not great. I'll be honest about that. It had flaws (namely Him and Me). But we were freaking kids trying to be adults. We lived together when we were 15-16 yrs old. Yeah, and I wondered why it failed. Yes we had bad times. Downright horrible times. But when it was good, man was it good. We had so much fun. Short of my husband, I can not think of anybody who made me laugh so much. The ex made me feel passionate about life, when I was half dead inside. I've spent all the years beating him up in my mind, when really I should have been thanking him.

SO that's what i did tonight. I sent him a long facebook message, saying what I should have said years ago. I don't know how it will be received. Honestly I don't care. I extend the olive branch. I exorcised my demons, and I left it up to him. If he wants a friend, I am always here. If not I wish him all the happiness life has to offer.

The lesson here boys and girls is that forgiveness buys you peace. For the first time in a very long time I am at peace. With myself, with life, with the world. I'm almost 30, and I'm actually kinda okay with it. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, who's everything I ever dreamed of and prayed for. I have great friends that love me, no matter how fucked up i may be at times. My family may not be in the picture, but I have in-laws that love me like there own. Really, I've got all a girl could ask for. And it's enough for me.

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