Alright this has been bothering me for days, so I figure I will unload it here.
When The Hubby and I were engaged I was an active member of an online bridal community. I loved the place, and the help and advice I got from other brides was a real sanity saver at times. I've since moved over to the wives board, and love it there too, probably even more because there is no more wedding stress (and if you have ever planned a wedding you know what I mean). However from time to time I still check the bride's forums. There are women there that joined at the same time or just after me that are still in the process of the wedding machine, and I like to see that things are going well for them. I also hope that maybe I will have a piece of advice for some bride stressing out that may make it easier, or bring a smile when she needs one.
So I checked in the other day, and found a few posts that really pissed me off. I'm not going to name names or even detailed circumstances. Because I'm not a bitch like that. Anyways it appears as though some brides are ungrateful for some of there wedding presents. They are whining and crying about how cheap some of there guests were. Ummm....excuse me? What was that now?
I feel I have some right to speak on this. For those of you who don't know me personally I had a very small wedding. We had 17 ppl at our ceremony, and even less at our reception. Yep it was intimate. And why was that? Because it was what we could afford to do. And it was the best day ever! And gifts, both before and after our wedding was the last thought on our minds. We wanted the people we love and care about, our family and our dearest friends to come and celebrate our love for each other. We were touched that all 17 people could take time out of there lives to be with us.
What's my point, you ask? The point is that it was never about gifts. It wouldn't have mattered if we had 500 people at our wedding. the point is a wedding (and the awesome party that follows) is about the love two people have for each other. It's celebrating a commitment for life, to one person above all others. It has nothing to do with breaking even, or who got you what. It's not about what somebody could have afforded to give you. Simple as that really. And if that's what you think a wedding is about...well I pity you.
It's women (and I use that term loosely here) like this that give brides a bad name. It's because of stuff like this that every bride is expected to be a bridezilla. The engagement ring was no sooner on my finger than comments started coming in about me turning into one. While I did get stressed, and I did have my moments as the day got close, I never lost sight of what it was all about. And I don't think I ever really turned into a 'zilla. Okay maybe a bit on the big day, but we were running late, and in my defence I hate being late. (yeah I know that's off topic, just throwing it in)
Did we get gifts? You bet your ass we did. Our guests spoiled us rotten, and far beyond our wildest dreams. And I can never thank them enough for it (and if any of you are reading this...THANKS AGAIN!!!) But honestly if we had not gotten a single thing, I would still be thanking them. It makes me think that these women got "cheap gifts" (in there opinion) because maybe, just maybe there friends know what they are like. Ever think about that ladies? You reap what you sow and perhaps your shitty bad attitude shows more than you think.
So to close this rant off, if you are reading this and are a bride to be, keep in mind whats really important. All that matters is you and your soon to be husband. Be honored by the presence of the people you want there, and forget all the other crap. Because when the party's over, and it's time to take off the poofy white dress all you have left is the love you and your new spouse share. And no fancy coffee maker or pile of cash can make that work in the long run.
I know what you mean and which posts you mean. I think that's why I've been more on the living board lately, because I'm getting sick of all the wedding drama and I'm not even done yet.
ReplyDeleteYeah it''s pretty sad. I used to love being there and I feel sorry for brides that are having to deal with this. It really takes away from the joy of having a support group. Of course you always have us at the old married boards :)
ReplyDeleteWell said! I'm a fan of smaller, more intimate weddings as well. As for the gifts received; I would agree that they are very likely a reflection of the closeness and quality of the relationships you've built. I'm sure also that with the aforementioned "500 people" at some of these larger weddings, many are merely acquaintances; hence the "cheap"er gift!
ReplyDeleteSadly it seems to be a recurring mindset that the gifts received by the guests should cover the costs of the wedding and ceremony. basically, throw a huge lavish ceremony and party and get everyone you invited to pay for it so you have no out of pocket expenses or debts... seems almost an offshoot of the age old traditions of the parents of the couple covering the costs so the bride and groom aren't going broke to pay for everything.
ReplyDeleteTimes have changed though. While sometimes the parents are affluent enough or are simply able to do so, the reality is that this is no longer the norm. So, the bride and groom now cover much or all of the costs themselves, sometimes to a large expense.
Here's the thing though... if you don't want to have a large out of pocket expense or debt, don't expect the guests to pay for it. Pay your nominal fees, go down to city hall and Bob's your uncle, you're married on the cheap. If you want to do the big ceremony and the reception, you want the open bar and the DJ and extravagances like limo service or what not then it is your decision and not that of your guests. They should not be held accountable for your costs of your decision. Expecting a standard or price of "gift" for the dubious honour of being invited to such an event is nothing more than a thinly veiled cover charge.
And really, using the pathetic defense of this attitude as stating that no gift or a cheap gift is thoughtless doesn't fly. The thoughfulness on the part of your guests is attending this event when they more than likely had a nearly infinite number of other things they would rather be doing. The guests aren't showing up for a free meal and booze (at least not as a primary decision making reason), as for the cost of their preperations to attend the wedding they could have quite easily fed and boozed themselves. the thoughfulness on the part of the guests is in RSVP'ing and attending to take part in the celebration with you.
Gifts are nice, and are always welcome, but are never to be considered a mandatory thing or to be judged on a scale of some worthless self perceived value.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm taking my soap box and going home
*lol*....in case any one is wondering, Rainman is my hubby. See why I married him?
ReplyDeleteYup... Let that be a lesson to you folks... Gambling is bad... She loses a bet and gets stuck with me for life.
ReplyDeleteGeorge is right!
ReplyDeletewhen I got married many moons ago - I didnt expect any gifts and the gifts ten years later that stick out are the " cheapest" someone made us mugs and a clock with our wedding pics on them. my other favorite gift was hand made candles and of course my absolute favorite was the man who took me as his partner for life PS> thios is Shel I forgot my user name
That woman drives me NUTS!!! Does selfish-wanker sound about right? The fact that I was able to pay off the balance of my credit card was awesome. And did I tell anyone that a huge chunk of wedding gift money went to buying a new clutch? If it wasn't for the money or the clutch, there would have been no honeymoon. Did I want a new clutch? No, but it's a gift I will use for a very long time :)
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